18-year old changes her last name back to her late dad's name, enrages mom and stepdad who changed it against her will when she was 7: 'My mom's husband told me I publicly disowned them'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
May 22, 2024 8:00 PM EDT

Names are more important than we give them credit for. They're not something that you should change without serious reason. We've all heard of parents who realize they gave their baby the wrong name two weeks after they were born. Changing their name in that scenario is largely harmless, but once a child is old enough to recognize their name, you can't do take-backsies without emotional consequences. 

One 18-year-old recently went viral on Reddit after sharing the tragic backstory behind her last name. Her dad passed when she was five due to a severe allergic reaction, and her mom wanted to change her last name to her new husband's last name. She thought it would make them more of a family. Despite her daughter's reservations about this change, her name was legally changed when she was 7. Now that she's graduating from high school, the teen decided to change her name back, much to the chagrin of her mom and stepdad. 

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  • 01
    r/AmltheAsshole u/Signal-Alarm7738 • 11h AITA for inviting my mother and her husband to my graduation and not telling them I had changed my name?
    via u/Signal-Alarm7738
  • 02
    I (18f) moved out of my mom's house and in with my grandparents 5 months ago, two days after I turned 18. I also changed my last name after the move which is not something I mentioned to either mom or her husband until now. My reason for changing my name is they changed it first. I had my dad's last name but when my mom married her husband when I was 7 they changed mine to go along with theirs. I never wanted to have his name. I told them that. But mom told me it was so important that we all hav
    via u/Signal-Alarm7738
  • 03
    I will always see it as his trying to claim me. He said it so many times that I was his daughter and I was his kid and stuff of that nature. It got SO annoying and I never wanted to be his kid. I never claimed him back. I have always rejected the idea that he's any kind of parent to me. I hate how territorial he is. I hate how he would lose his temper with people who'd know me as dad's kid or mention I was "Jay's daughter" and claim me as his own instead. I told him and mom how much I hated it a
    via u/Signal-Alarm7738
  • 04
    My dad died when I was 5. So that's why I wanted to still be his kid. He didn't abandon me or walk out. He loved me and he died because of a stupid allergic reaction that left me without the most important guy in my life.
    via u/Signal-Alarm7738
  • 05
    My mom always defended her husband and told me I should show more appreciation for him because he could leave us and would I want that. I said yes a few times and she flipped out so hard. Sometimes I think my mom wanted to send me off the boarding school so I wouldn't ruin her marriage. I know they looked into it. But they would never give me to my paternal family because they still wanted to claim me as "theirs".
    via u/Signal-Alarm7738
  • 06
    All of this led to a relationship and me moving. out as soon as I could. Which then led to me changing my last name back and never telling them. But I decided they could see me graduate and find out then. Only they got an email from the school with my full name on it for their tickets and they were furious that I invited them but didn't tell them. They said I was trying to make a fool out of them. My mom's husband told me I would have left them clueless as I publicly disowned them. I told him I
    via u/Signal-Alarm7738
  • 07
    Comfortable-Sea-2454 · 11h Commander in Cheeks [274] NTA - your mom and her husband totally ignored what you have been telling them for over a decade. You changed your name back to the one you were born with and that is your right. Your mom and her husband need to get over themselves. You were never your SD's child, and you never will be. Good luck OP. Get on with your life. Your mom and SD will either get over you claiming your true self, or they won't. But don't let their resulting actions cha
    via u/Comfortable-Sea-2454
  • 08
    Signal-Alarm7738 OP. 10h Yep. That's something they like to do as a couple it seems like. ← ☆ 775
    via u/Signal-Alarm7738
  • 09
    sweetalkersweetalker ⚫ 7h • My mom always defended her husband and told me I should show more appreciation for him because he could leave us Your mother was SO. WRONG. for putting the stress of her relationship on a child's back. If her husband had left it wouldn't have been your fault, it was between the two of them. I'm sorry she didn't stick up for you. I am a stepparent and I really, really despise who think marrying someone with a child automatically makes them a parent. He fed you and prov
    via u/sweetalkersweetalker
  • 10
    Charliesmum97 • 6h I think the saddest part of this is, if they didn't force that relationship on you, you and your stepfather might have formed a loving bond. But they just ran roughshod over your own wants and needs, and that's sad. Congratulations on your graduation; I do hope you have a wonderful future. ... 166
    via u/Charliesmum97
  • 11
    Strong-Reason2330 • 11h NTA its your name you have to live with it even if you had a good relationship with your Mom and stepdad, youd have every right to change your name to whatever you wanted as an adult just because you wanted too. it would not make you an definitely doesn't at all, this ← Reply Award 380
    via u/Strong-Reason2330
  • 12
    ailweni • 8h NTA. I also lost my dad when I was five and my mom changed my last name to my stepdad's through the courts. I hated it - my stepfather was an alcoholic, his last name was super common, and I still remembered my dad. As soon as I turned 18, I started using my dad's last name again, as my mom never updated it through Social Security. She hated it but had to deal with it because, guess what? It's my life. Not hers. I'm married now and kept my maiden name (changed my middle name to my h
    via u/ailweni
  • 13
    Beginning-Mine-5967.9h NTA, would have done the same thing if I was in your situation. ← Reply Award 43
    via u/Beginning-Mine-5967
  • 14
    NTA KitchenDismal9258.9h Professor Emeritass [73] I know how you feel. My mother did this. I was about 10 when she married my stepfather. I had a complicated european name that no one could pronounce so when the suggestion of changing mine and my younger brothers name to my stepdad's very english name came up, of course we said yes. But within a few short years I realised what had happened and I was angry. It should never have been suggested to a child. I know my mom wanted us all to have the sa
    via u/KitchenDismal9258
  • 15
    Made worse by the fact that we did see our dad regularly ie every fortnight... but there was a time there were we didn't see him for about 6 months which was probably when this happened. I chose not to bring it up. I wanted to change my name back... but instead got married and took on my husband's name. My brother kept my stepdad's name and gave it to his kids. My dad would've been quite hurt by this but he never said anything. Decades later and we still see him regularly. Reply Award 23
    via u/KitchenDismal9258
  • 16
    Cracka AssCracka • 4h Partassipant [1] NTA - your name is your decision. Also - having the same last name does fuckall when it comes to pickup or whatever. Never had a problem at doctor, ballet, school, anything. , I was at immigration control in Norway with my family - which is my wife, stepson, and two biological children. Between us, there are four last names. You know what they said? "Ah, nice, you have a quilt family" Reply Award 5
    via u/CrackaAssCracka
  • 17
    00 Anon_457 6h NTA, OP. Honestly, it sounds like they were trying to completely erase your father from your life. That was wrong of them to do and I'm sorry they did so. My last name isn't from my maternal family or paternal family; it's a random name my mom chose from a phone book. When my dad got custody, he easily could've have changed my last name to his but he didn't because it's the last name my mom chose for me. That's what your mom should've done, she should've left your last name alone
    via u/Anon_457
  • 18
    SearchApprehensive35 • 8h Partassipant [3] You are an adult. This is your life, your name, your body, your relationships. It's none of their business what you do with them. They had the right to control you when you were a minor, and unfortunately they abused the privilege. You were always very clear to them about what you wanted, so the only real complaint they have at this point is that adult you isn't willing to be controlled like child you had to. I think your only mistake was giving them so
    via u/SearchApprehensive35
  • 19
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